all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
