I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
