How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
