Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
