conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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