i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
