Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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