Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
