i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
