toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
