you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
