Since when is my name a synonym for head?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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