let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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