Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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