I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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