If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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