I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
