I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
