i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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