Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
