Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
