I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
