ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
