I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
