Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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