you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
