the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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