I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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