WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
