Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
