He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
