i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
