A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
