nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
