cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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