Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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