I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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