I want to walk on stilts...naked
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
