I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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