return my video game
Will you blow on my dice?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize