I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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