Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
