dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
