I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
