Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
