At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize