cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
