Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
