where does the pee come out of this thing
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize