thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
