I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
