eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize