Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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