I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
