So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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