New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
