even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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