So drunk its hurt
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
