thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
