mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
