so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
