My nipple is on Facebook.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
