Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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