Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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