I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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