I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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