God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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