just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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