I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
