I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
