hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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