grandma shit on top of the toilet
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
