Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
