he thought i was a dude.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
