So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
