Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
