Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Will you blow on my dice?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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