I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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