I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
