I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
