Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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