we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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