last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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