I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize