see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
