I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
