I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
