I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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