I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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