My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
