your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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