Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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