We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
