I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
