I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
