I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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