so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
