names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
