Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
