What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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