I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just cropdusted the office
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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