Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize