her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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