I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
