let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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