dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
