Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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