But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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