yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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