don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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